


The Fall

by Raaj



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Gen, Mental Breakdown, Persona 5: The Royal Spoilers, Suicide, Violent Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 20:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28837233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raaj/pseuds/Raaj
Summary: How it falls apart is something that in hindsight seems quite obvious, especially to a counselor.  Not obvious enough to keep it from happening.
Relationships: Maruki Takuto & Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 5
Kudos: 36





	The Fall

The thing is, you don’t have a place in reality. At first, that had been by design: as the one responsible for people’s happiness, you _should_ be removed from them, and your mind marked out the distance with a staircase as lofty as your ambitions. You wanted to be as good as you can for their sake, and you knew you could be swayed at times, could be petty. You’re still human yourself, after all.

You’re still human.

How…how did you think this was ever sustainable? You were a _counselor_ , for pity’s sake. Had any one seeing you told you they were thinking of isolating themselves, you would have urged them not to, told them calmly but clearly that complete solitude wasn’t healthy for anyone. Human beings are social creatures by nature.

Looking back, you think you fooled yourself that the peeks into people’s hearts by way of their shadows were enough, and when it wasn’t, the walks into the real world to actually _feel_ people around you and be touchedeven if only by accident sufficed. You’d always capped those off with a cup of coffee: superfluous to drink–there was no true hunger or thirst anymore, a blessing from the Metaverse merge–but so luxurious to drink and feel the heat slide into your belly, warmed for the first time in ages. Those walks had been your self-care routine.

But then you kept seeing the couples, and longing for Rumi’s hand in yours, but her happiness isn’t tied to yours–then you saw Shibusawa in passing, and he didn’t recognize you, because his happiness _isn’t tied to yours–_

There is no place in reality for you, and it is by your own design. Even at Leblanc, when you thought Amamiya at least might lend a sympathetic ear to vague grumblings, he did just that but it was accompanied by twitches of an incredulous almost-smile, as if he thought you might be joking but wasn’t sure enough to call you out. He was still kind, but he was also a teenager who had never known pain and had no idea how anyone could suffer in this perfect world.

That you designed.

He chose it, though, a very human, begrudging part keeps pointing out, and you have to keep shoving it down because there is so much Amamiya has that you could rip away to make him remember what suffering is. Amamiya was so noble as a Phantom Thief that it was tempting to think you could even justify it to him afterward, once you made him remember. You were only human. You needed companionship. You wouldn’t take _everything_ from him because you’d had it taken from you. Just enough.

He’s a teenager, and it’s frightening how much you’ve thought about hurting him. The cup of coffee at Leblanc was the last you’ve had for… a while. Amamiya had a habit of roaming all over Tokyo with his many, many friends; you didn’t want to risk a run-in. New temptation.

There is no place for you in reality. You’d commit yourself if it was even slightly tenable, but you don’t think they’d even know what to do with you at any hospital. Violent impulses and suicidal ideation don’t belong in a perfect world.

There is no place for you in reality, and you don’t remember what warmth feels like. So you stay at the top of your staircase for a long time, looking down. Wondering if paradise will survive your death, because you know you can’t live alongside paradise anymore. And you don’t want to see its ruin, as easy ( _tempting_ ) as it would be, so when you feel that surge of anger again, you turn it on yourself for all your human imperfections,

lean forward,

and drop.


End file.
